Bush? In MY Newport? _{(And Other Political Ramblings)}

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Incidently we’re under a severe thunderstorm watch today. So George W. Bush, otherwise known as Dubya, Bushy, Douchebag and according to Pope John Paul II: the Antichrist… has slimed his way into my State (ain’t American freedom great? Look what I can say!) Funnily enough, it’s the first time he’s ever been here. He’s never even campaigned here.

But, he’s right to be wary of the deranged little people known as Rhode Islanders, as we wrote the book on American rebellion; we were founded as a refuge from Puritan Massachusetts, more or less, by a man who was going to be deported for being a rabble-rouser (who incidently I’m a direct descendant of), and it became the home to everyone who got kicked out of the other 12 colonies. We were the first with a concept like Seperation of Church and State, before the Constitution was ever penned. In fact we were the last to ratify the Constitution (we had high standards), until we were threatened with being treated as a foreign nation. We were the first to declare independance from England and showed how much we didn’t like them in the Gapsee Affair by attacking and burning a British ship just off our shores thus igniting the very first spark of the American Revolution (and this was a year before the Boston Tea Party, screw that pussy crap! Massachusetts wishes they were as cool as us.) We also celebrate this incident every year with a parade and festival that ends in a wooden float of the ship being sent out to sea on fire in a celebatory reenactment. We also harbored pirates and treated them like heros and legitimate businessmen. Did I mention we were often called "Rogue’s Island" in those days?

It’s something in our blood or in the water, whatever it is Rhode Island has mantained this attitude of fierce independance and rebellion. A kooky little place I’m proud to have been born in and call home.

lol ship burning festival

Knowing all this (well, I doubt Bush knows the history or even where he is. He probably thinks he’s in Connecticut or that Rhode Island consists entirely of the island he’s presently on) Bush has opted not to venture into the general public and is instead talking at the Naval War College where people are guaranteed to be respectful and quiet because they have to be. If he met up with the average freedom-loving, sharped-tongued, crazy Rhode Islander, who knows what would happen. Hell most of us still think Buddy Cianci is an okay dude, and given our track record with corrupt politicians and mob ties and well… pirates, it’s pretty damn hard to make Rhode Islanders think you’re doing anything too terribly wrong. But Bush has managed, has he damn ever: his approval rating here is only about 20%.

Yes some people would probably view me as a liberal, pinko-commie leftist or what not for saying this, but really, Rhode Islanders remember what American Patriotism is. American Patriotism is saying what you want, believng what you want, and most importantly of all: openly criticizing your government. The founding fathers didn’t believe in silence, they didn’t believe in complacency, hell many of them didn’t even believe in Christianity, they believed in free speech, in independance, and most of all in revolution. Thomas Jefferson! We need you now more than ever! Some people have very short memories, criticizing the government or attacking the President didn’t seem to be a dastardly, unAmerican thing back when Clinton was in office. So why is it now? Because of 9/11? If we let that hamper our free speech don’t the "terrorists win"? Because the President is using a tragedy like 9/11 as justification to needlessly invade another country that had nothing to do with it because he didn’t like the guy his daddy gave guns to and now millions of dollars going toward the effort are just up and mysteriously dissapearing, not to mention the thousands who have lost their lives? Please. All the more reason to criticize. Luckily, people are finally waking up and learning this, but it’s too little too fucking late.

Now that I’ve gone off on a tangent I wanted to piggyback another rant onto this one: meanwhile DICK Cheney is claiming that the Vice President is not part of the Executive Branch, so he doesn’t have to disclose shit about anything he does. Um, what? Excuse me? This whole "I can tell a lie often enough and make it the truth" thing has gone far enough, Americans are dumb but they’re not that dumb. Luckily, the Democrats are finally learning how to deal with these jackasses, and they did so by accordingly saying to Cheney: "Oh? You’re not part of the Executive Branch? Then what are we funding your office for? We’d better stop giving you money immediately". Ahhahaha…

In other news, is it 2008 yet? I’m already stressing over voting for President. I’m scared to death we’re going to end up with another Republican President because the Democratic hopefuls in the limelight right now are a woman and a black man. No offense, really, but I don’t think the country is ready for either in the White House, and no one is going to vote for them, or at least neither will make enough votes to be President and all the Democratic votes will be divided between them and it’ll be just a big goddamn mess.

Granted I’ve always said a black man would be President before a woman, but now is REALLY not the best time to test my theory. Stupid ironic universe.

I don’t particularly like either Hillary or Obama, either. Hillary’s playing it way too safe with her pre-packaged vague answers and sitting on the fence too damn much. I know it’s harder for her because she’s a woman and the target of much satire and parody in the past, but C’MON MAN! …Er… woman. Obama, eh, I didn’t really know much about his politics, I was trying to pay attention but both the Republicans and the Right-leaning press have been so vicious to him. And what does he do? Acts like a typical Democratic pussy, trying to take the high road and be a better man in the face of unreasonable, unfair, and totally immature attacks. If he’d just bite back at some of these assholes I’d probably like him better. On the Republican side (I am an Independant you know) I actually kinda liked McCain until he turned into such a pathetic ass-kissing sellout. And jesus christ, someone, please, please, hide Ralph Nader’s car keys. Or better yet cut his brake lines.

I guess I’m gonna have to vote for Edwards. Hrm.