Alert Nintendo! PETA’s Gon’ Get Sued!

(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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That’s it little chickities. Walk into KFC
and become delicious popcorn chicken

We all know PETA: the so-called "animal lovers" who set buildings on fire, protest fast food restaurants, send death threats to people who work for insurance companies that happen to insure testing labs, and worship a hypocritical organization that euthanises animals given to them when they become too expensive to care for, all because they’re pissed off and confused due to being so damn hungry. They even think owning pets is animal abuse despite the fact pets are the most spoiled, healthy, long-lived and loved animals on the planet.

Anyway, before I get onto a rant about PETA (some day, some day) let me get to the point of this post: one of PETA’s websites is currently hosting a game. A very expensive looking flash game that must have taken a long time and alot of money to make and is a Mario Bros. parody. Even for a parody it’s dangerously close to the source at first glance, but upon further investigation (I.E. playing it) one finds that it actually contains cameos of actual Mario Bros. characters. WHAT!?

Now I can’t be bothered to get past the second level because the controls are so fucking terrible, but I think I’ve experienced enough of this game for a good laugh an unbiased and completely objective critique.

First off, the "princess" that needs to be saved in this game is Pamela Anderson. I’m serious. Although her character looks more like a crackwhore cosplaying Princess Peach. I guess this is the best celebrity voice they could get for their cause. She’s on the news trying to reveal KFC’s terrible secret about what they do to chickens. What? They kill them and cook them and let people devour their flesh!? NO! WHO KNEW!? Okay well PETA-freaks are concerned about the living conditions of birds who were raised to be slaughtered in the first place but, you know, there’s like… starving children and real genocides of humans happening all over the world, could you maybe devote your energy to that instead? If all the PETA fucks in the world were as passionate about human rights as they are about animal rights we might have solved world hunger by now. But since they’re passionate about making sure no one eats meat like most land mammals in nature do they’d rather let the children starve.

I guess "Intellectual Property Rights"
doesn’t mean anything to PETA

Anyway back to the game: So Pamela Anderson is on the news and gets kidnapped by …er… some variety of Colonel Bots. The scene jump cuts and we see it’s Toad watching the TV. TOAD. Actual Toad. And they even call him by name. He tells Mario and Luigi to stop playing Wii because someone’s been kidnapped. And then we see Mario and Luigi, the actual Mario and Luigi, not a parody, whining their arms hurt from playing too much Wii, and then they make a lame joke I will not even dignify by repeating it here. So then it’s up to two chickens in red and green caps to save the day. But another clip of Mario at the doctor’s popped up when I got to the second level, so I assume that will keep happening, and I hope against hope the ending doesn’t involve Mario characters accepting veganism into their lifestyles. LOOK at Mario, I’m pretty sure he eats meat.

At any rate: HEY PETA! You know what this is called? TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT. I hope Nintendo sues the pants off of you, they have more money and better lawyers and the Japanese on their side. I’m not sure that Nintendo would endorse PETA, even with a Wii product placement promised (as if the Wii needs it.) I see no © Nintendo when the characters show up, or anywhere else on the page where the game is located. I see no disclaimer saying they have permission to use the characters. I see no further advertisement for the Wii or anything else that indicates there’s an agreement between PETA and Nintendo here. Yeah. This goes beyond parody, they’re using Nintendo’s characters to further their cause. If Disney can sue a daycare center for painting its characters on the walls, I think Nintendo could sue PETA for this. I hope they do, because it’d be hilarious, and they obviously spent alot of money to have this game made.

As if that weren’t enough, the levels and music also closely parody Mario games. They probably could have gotten away with this if they hadn’t put in any actual Mario characters. The controls, however, suck. You only have to use the arrows on your keyboard but half the time you end up simply colliding with a Colonel Bot rather than jumping on it and end up as half a Zinger sandwich. What cracked me up the most, however, was that the first level is dotted with all these stupid little hippy protesters who begin to tell you facts about KFC’s treatment of chickens when you walk up to them. But just like in real life you can keep walking and ignore them entirely. Isn’t it just like extremists to accidentally satirize themselves when trying to make a point? Get playing this game for a good laugh or just out of disbelief because I’m not sure how long it’s going to be around!