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A Jack Chick Halloween
(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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I regret to inform that I was not able to come up with a good Halloween comic in time for the holiday this year. Truthfully it sort of snuck up on me, oh man, I’m getting old. However! I didn’t want to leave anyone high and dry in the giggle department so I decided to compensate by partaking in the grand tradition of remixing a Jack Chick tract (one about Halloween, of course.)
For those of you who don’t know, Jack Chick is an Evangelical Christian who founded a publishing empire of shitty, shitty comics that are supposed to somehow convert people to "crazy on fire Catholic-hating fundamentalist Christianity", many of which he’s drawn himself. These comics tend to follow the same formula, there’s the good Christian, the ugly, evil non-Christians who are all consciously on Satan’s side, and some moron who somehow never heard of Jesus ever and believes every single word the good Christian tells them, converting completely 5 minutes later. I mean, if you honestly never heard of Jesus before, and someone tried to explain the concept to you, seriously, would you believe it?
Jack Chick is also known to write absolute untrue bullshit about other religions and Halloween in his "tracts", and when he does cite a source it’s always something under his own publishing company. I chose a Halloween comic that has the biggest load of bull about the origins of Halloween you’ve ever seen, and as a bonus is stars a favorite Chick character of mine: Lil’ Susy, who he always inadvertently draws really insane and creepy looking when she talks about JEE-SAYZ.
You can read the original comic here, or it might be better to read it here where its got snarky comments on it to soften the blow. Otherwise, enjoy my badly photoshopped parody, some of the dialog hasn’t been changed at all:
Jack Chick sure hates Halloween. He’s devoted a half-dozen cartoon tracts to showing how it is Satan’s holiday. Two of these tracts were made into short films, “Bewitched?” and “The Little Princess”. They are a gas. Over at www.316now.com. Happy Halloween! HAW HAW HAW!
XD LMAO! Pure awesome. What a story eyepatch grandpa told her. D: It’s like the worst bedtime story ever. What are they, 5? Just guessing since Buffy doesn’t really know Halloween and 5yrs is usually when they start trick-or-treating. And doesn’t Susy ruin her rebellion by dressing up as Santa Claus? Isn’t Christmas about Jesus’ birth, not Santa and presents? XD This whole comic reminds me of a crazy sub. teacher I had and her rant on paganism+halloween=evil+devil.
What a crazy guy, never knew about him before. :/ I never really cared for religion, growing up not having to go to church (IMASINNERLAWLZ) and how it all seems… unlikely to have occured. I remember being told about religion by my religious neighbors when I was younger and responded like your Buffy (but less articulate). XD Then got a “well, Catholics are wrong about Christianity anyways. We’re better.” Well… basically something like that due to the “bread and water into wine” and how they didn’t believe that. :/ Yeah, a big FU over bread.
I prefer your Buffy rather than brainwashed Buffy in Chick’s comic. I don’t see many kids like Susy nowadays, but I guess they are out there.
PS. I love how his “Meet Jesus” part of his website sounds like a cheap infomercial. You have to love cross promotion in his comic too. Gotta pimp put the comic tracts to spread the word of JEE-SAYZ.
If they’re meant to be 5 then Jack Chick REALLY can’t draw. But no, I think they’re like in 5th grade, Jack Chick just has a habit of never reflecting reality in his comics. Somehow this girl in late elementary school is JUST finding out about Halloween. She’s also a big fat wuss. And she’s also really gullible and suggestible since she believes every single word Susy has to say about Jesus, despite never hearing about him either. God this girl is dumb.
Oh wow. This is awesome. XD If you go on the site where the original is, theres a creepy ass form where you can say “do you accept Jesus into your life?” Well, I wanna know what happens if you check off no and send it to this asshole. XP